Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:07] Speaker B: Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back to another episode of Just say Something podcast. My name is Philip Clark, CEO here at Just say Something. And before we get started, be sure to, like, subscribe and share.
That's all of them?
[00:00:21] Speaker A: Yeah, I think that's all.
[00:00:22] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:00:22] Speaker A: Like, subscribe and share.
[00:00:23] Speaker B: Okay. All right.
You may recognize our guest today. This isn't his first time here, but I reached out to Tyler a couple weeks ago and said, hey, I need you to be on a podcast.
And he's like, okay.
[00:00:41] Speaker A: Yeah. I think my response was, yeah, you want me to come talk about myself? I'm more than happy to. More than. That's my love language.
Yeah, I'm in.
[00:00:48] Speaker B: So Tyler Burgess is the CEO. CEO of SC Retail, which formerly, AKA Southeastern Products.
[00:00:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:00:59] Speaker B: And I know your dad and mom started that in their garage.
[00:01:02] Speaker A: They did. They started it.
I don't see. 47 years ago in our garage.
[00:01:07] Speaker B: Holy cow.
[00:01:08] Speaker A: Yeah. About 48. It'll be 48 because it's a year older than me.
[00:01:12] Speaker B: Holy komole.
[00:01:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
Started 19. Yeah. Started 1978.
[00:01:17] Speaker B: Did you ever think it would be or did you see yourself ever?
[00:01:22] Speaker A: No, No. I fought it for most of my life until I was about 20, 27, 28. I started getting serious. I told my dad, I said, I. Because I'd been on and off. I said, I'll give you one shot. And he was.
[00:01:40] Speaker B: He.
[00:01:40] Speaker A: I said, you know, I'll come in if you let me do this, and then we'll see how it goes. And then he was like, all right. I said, I'll give you a year. And then he passed away a year later.
And I went from COO to CEO in a year. And after he passed, and I've been doing it for almost 20 years. It'll be 20 years in 20. 28. Yes. He passed away in 08.
[00:02:06] Speaker B: And so for our listeners who don't know what SC Retail does, what do you do?
[00:02:11] Speaker A: We do grocery store. Sorry, I mean retail decor and fixtures. So predominantly grocery stores. Anything you. If you've ever been in a.
Most people been in grocery store. 8ft and up on the walls. That's us. We design it, manufacture, and install it. We do checkout lights, hour markers, signage.
They call them street signs or island invaders. Little things on each aisle to tell you. Yeah. So we design, manufacture that we've been doing it for, like I said, 48 years. And started out, my mom, my dad, and one other guy, we had 150 employees.
[00:02:49] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:02:49] Speaker A: Nationwide, we even internationally, we've designed two stores in England in London. So.
[00:02:55] Speaker B: Oh, do you need somebody to go over there and oversee that, or.
[00:02:59] Speaker A: No, it's already done. I volunteer, too, but I didn't even get to go, so, you know.
[00:03:04] Speaker B: Oh, well. So we started out with family, and I always love going and being around you and Laura and the girls during South Carolina lady gamecop basketball.
[00:03:21] Speaker A: Yes, yes, yes. It's become an annual tradition.
[00:03:24] Speaker B: It has, it has. And it's something that dawn has. Coach Don has to keep up with.
[00:03:28] Speaker A: Yes, yes, yes, she does. Yes, she does. I think we'll be all right this year, but. Yeah, every year for the SEC tournament, we. We have a little. Everybody comes up to the game.
[00:03:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:37] Speaker A: Watching. Yeah. My kids, my girls. I have two girls. They both love it.
[00:03:42] Speaker B: So for those that don't know, you're in recovery.
[00:03:47] Speaker A: Yep. 10 years in August. 10 years. August 26th be my 10th year.
[00:03:51] Speaker B: That's awesome.
[00:03:51] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:03:52] Speaker B: Look at you.
[00:03:53] Speaker A: Yeah. A decade.
[00:03:54] Speaker B: I know. Yeah, I know.
What I know. How long have you and Laura been married?
[00:04:03] Speaker A: 15 years.
[00:04:04] Speaker B: Not that I'm putting you through a test.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: No, I know, right.
We got married in 2010, so 6 to be 16 this year in October. October 10th.
[00:04:16] Speaker B: Were you using then?
[00:04:19] Speaker A: Not. Okay, so, yes, I was, But I was prescribed Adderall. I'm an Adderall addict. Or an amphetamine. Any kind of upper, really.
I was using, but I had 80. I have ADHD like anybody who's ever met.
[00:04:34] Speaker B: I was going to say.
[00:04:34] Speaker A: Really? Yeah. It's hard to tell if the camera shaking. It's because my legs bouncing. Oh. But I.
So I was prescribed and I took it pretty much like I was supposed to pretty much, you know, dip in every now and then a little extra. But 2013, my oldest was born in 2012. She was born in September and 2013.
So I had a newborn. Basically. Southeastern was having a. We had a rough year that year. Um, and I just started burning the candle at both ends. So 13 is when I really got hardcore into using drugs. And like, I've always said I was the idiot. I used it for work, not to, like, party. But now in my 20s, I was probably an alcoholic because I drank, like, every night and. Okay, so, yeah, I. I've had addictive tendencies since I was about 14. But, like, hardcore Adderall use really kicked off in, like, 2013.
That was a. That was a rough year for me.
[00:05:42] Speaker B: And so it started out as a prescription from your doctor for adhd.
[00:05:46] Speaker A: Prescription from a doctor for adhd. And when I really started burning it at both ends, it started then I started getting it off the street, so. And that's when I probably, deep down knew I had a problem. It's so funny. I'm Laura, God bless her soul. She got so mad at me because I didn't think she'd be mad at me for getting more Adderall. I thought she'd be like, oh, he's just, you know, he needs it. I thought I was doing a good thing. I was an idiot. And I tried to justify it in my mind, like many a drug addict does.
[00:06:15] Speaker B: I was about to say, isn't that a common.
[00:06:16] Speaker A: Yeah, very common. Very common trait. Yeah, very common trait. Just try to, you know, be like, oh, yeah, no, no, I'm just. I completely justify this.
And so it was. It got really bad.
Probably 15 and 14. 15, 16 was when I was really at my peak drug use, so. And, you know, it's one of those things where, yeah, it started out as a prescription, you know, as a doctor, you know, But Adderall is one of those that. It can make you feel superhuman. And you figure, well, if one of them does that, then like, 12.
Yeah.
Super powered. And then like, 40.
Yeah. So it got out of hand quick.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: 40 in what period of time?
[00:07:04] Speaker A: For breakfast?
[00:07:06] Speaker B: Oh, good Lord.
[00:07:07] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've had doctors tell me that I'm like a modern miracle, that I have a lot, that my heart didn't explode. It. So I had an apple watch. You know, it'll tell you your. Your heart rate. I had to turn that off because mine constantly. My. My resting heart rate was like 120.
[00:07:23] Speaker B: Holy cow.
[00:07:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I had to turn it off because it kept going off, telling me I needed to check my heart. So, yeah, I would take about 10, 15, 20 for breakfast, then hit another 20 Baht. Lunch.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Good Lord.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: Yeah. I was taking over over a thousand milligrams a day.
[00:07:40] Speaker B: And so where did you find those that were not from the pharmacies?
[00:07:47] Speaker A: From the pharmacy.
I had a.
Without going into too much detail, I had a person who worked in a pharmacy who hooked me up and delivered.
[00:07:58] Speaker B: Oh, wow.
[00:07:59] Speaker A: Pretty sure I put his kids through college.
It was very expensive. It's a very expensive habit, and you shouldn't do it. But, yeah, it was. That's how I. I kind of got into it.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: All right. So, yes, I'm getting my thoughts together.
[00:08:15] Speaker A: Okay. All right.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: All right. So you started taking Adderall for ADHD.
[00:08:20] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:08:21] Speaker B: And that was probably, what, one a day?
[00:08:24] Speaker A: Yeah, well, two a day. I think I was two day. Two of the 30s.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. And then it progressed to a point where you were taking 10, 15, 20, 30, 40, 50.
[00:08:34] Speaker A: Yeah, whatever.
[00:08:35] Speaker B: It was a day.
[00:08:36] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:08:38] Speaker B: To the point where you no longer. Did you still have your prescription?
[00:08:42] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I did, but that would last me like an hour.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: And so then you found someone and I won't ask how.
[00:08:50] Speaker A: Yeah, don't.
[00:08:52] Speaker B: That provided supplied you.
[00:08:54] Speaker A: Yes, yes. I had a couple of backups too, which they were less reliable and I'm, I could tell all kind of stories, but I won't get into war storying. But it was bad. It was bad.
[00:09:06] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:09:07] Speaker A: And so also too like, so I got prescribed in 08. That's when I started. And like I said, would you use it like I was supposed to occasionally recreational to like stay up and drink every now and then, you know. But then it just, I came to realize this. I had this, this thought the other day. It's funny we're talking about this. I just didn't like being sleepy.
I don't like being tired.
[00:09:30] Speaker B: Fred, you're going to miss out on something.
[00:09:32] Speaker A: Yes. Like the ultimate fomo. It's like I've got to try to live as much life in my 24 hours a day that I can get in. And I was going to get every
[00:09:41] Speaker B: one of them in and then some.
[00:09:43] Speaker A: And then some. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a couple of vendors that lasted a few days, but it, yeah, it, I just didn't want to go to sleep. I was afraid I was going to miss something or I don't know. It's now. I love sleeping now. It's like one of my favorite, favorite things.
[00:09:58] Speaker B: Yeah. It's not a bad thing.
[00:09:59] Speaker A: It's not. No. Now I get at least eight hours a night. I was averaging about eight minutes back in the day, but wow. Yeah.
[00:10:07] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:10:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:08] Speaker B: All right.
[00:10:09] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:10:10] Speaker B: Well, you know, in part of that I would. I want our listeners who may be thinking of or have talked about maybe taking their son or their daughter to the doctor for similar reasons for ad, for adhd. Because, I mean, there's been a lot of that.
[00:10:28] Speaker A: There is. And you know, it's funny, so I didn't get diagnosed even though I clearly had it. So I was 28. So that's when I got that right around the time my dad passed is when I got diagnosed.
And when you get diagnosed at an old age, older age, not old age, when you get diagnosed past high school, I guess, or past elementary school, you go through this thing of like, well, if I'd have had this, would I've been better in School, you know, all these things. And also, would I have not. Because then, you know, you're used to getting it, taking it one, because, you know, yeah, somebody gives it to you, you're monitored.
[00:11:04] Speaker B: Right.
[00:11:04] Speaker A: Not just. Nobody just don't hand you a bottle and say, go. Yeah, but. So you have a lot of those thoughts and you're like, but you have to get rid of that. And, you know, like, I have two girls, and I don't know if they'll have a. If they have ADD or not, but, you know, that's a conversation me and my wife have to have because I think nowadays she would be. Feel okay with me having in the house because I'm 10 years clean. But there was a time when I first got home from rehab, she threw out everything. We didn't have cough medicine and Tylenol.
We didn't have anything.
[00:11:37] Speaker B: Had to go cold turkey on everything.
[00:11:38] Speaker A: Threw it all out.
[00:11:40] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:11:40] Speaker A: Do it all out. And now it's fine. Like, I can, you know, I can be around people drinking. That doesn't bother me right now. If somebody whips out, like, Adderall starts. Yeah, that would be a problem. I need to walk away from that. But, you know, it also.
There are people that suffer from this disorder.
[00:11:55] Speaker B: Right.
[00:11:56] Speaker A: And, you know, I've always said that I have the unique.
The unique thing that I am. I have two things that I.
I have two problems. One of them is addiction. The other one is adhd, and the cure for one causes the other. So.
Yeah, but you also learn. Like, I've learned to cope with my add.
Now that I, you know, I've learned.
[00:12:20] Speaker B: Now that you're older.
[00:12:21] Speaker A: Now that I'm older and things to do and, you know, sometimes it comes on and I get real bad. Like, I'll just walk around the house forgetting everything. And my wife is like, she's very understanding that I have a wildly treated disorder and that, you know, I go through periods where I'm. Sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse.
[00:12:41] Speaker B: Well, I mean. And that's part of recovery, but that's part of everyday life for people.
[00:12:48] Speaker A: Yeah, it is. It is.
[00:12:49] Speaker B: That's not just unique to recovery.
[00:12:52] Speaker A: No, no. I mean, I think everybody needs to find a strategy of how to get through a day.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:12:57] Speaker A: You know, mine is.
You would think mine might be a little more complicated because of the things that I've gone through, but at the same time, you know, it's. Now it's just like breathing.
[00:13:07] Speaker B: Right, right. Well, for you. And I know you and Laura are There for everything that your daughters.
[00:13:15] Speaker A: Everything.
[00:13:16] Speaker B: Everything.
[00:13:17] Speaker A: Yeah. I don't miss anything.
[00:13:18] Speaker B: And now that both of them are cheerleading because the youngest, she was a late bloomer.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: She was. She was. She was. She was a late bloomer. And. But she took to it very quickly, unfortunately. I was hoping I'd get out of two having two cheerleaders, but. Yes, two competitive cheerleaders. So I'm on the road a lot.
[00:13:37] Speaker B: Are they on the same team?
[00:13:38] Speaker A: They are not. We're. They're not. Thank goodness. They're not.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: But doesn't that cause double travel?
[00:13:43] Speaker A: No, because there's. They. They compete at the same competition.
[00:13:47] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:13:47] Speaker A: So there's. Yeah, that's one good thing. The other good thing is they both are at the same gym, so same practice schedule and stuff. But it is a. I will say this.
If you have a daughter and she wants to be a cheerleader, discourage it.
Being a drug add is expensive. Having a daughter as a cheerleader is more expensive.
[00:14:12] Speaker B: Well, and I know you're on the road an awful lot, especially on weekend.
[00:14:16] Speaker A: All the time. I mean, in a three week span, we went from. Went to Atlanta, then the next week we went to Tampa, drove home. The next week we drove to Orlando.
[00:14:28] Speaker B: Good grief.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:14:30] Speaker B: So it's a lot of traveling, that is.
[00:14:32] Speaker A: But they love it. And, you know, I want them to do what they love.
[00:14:36] Speaker B: And you surround them or they surround themselves with their friends, and so it's not just the two of them.
And. And I think you and Laura have helped make those kind of things happen.
[00:14:52] Speaker A: Yeah, that. You know, I think one of the things I learned, especially in recovery was you have to have a strong. The community around you matters.
You know, I have a small group of very close friends, and my kids are kind of the same way. You know, it's like I have acquaintances and people I know, but there's like a small inner circle, the trust tree, as we like to call each other that. That I keep around me, that keep me straight and, you know, keep and know me and keep an eye on me. And it's important to have that. And my kids. Both my kids have that. They have really good friends, and I think that's really important.
[00:15:29] Speaker B: Well. And I know Laura well. Both of you are very giving. But when someone I know recently there was, I think a dad of one of the cheerleaders was diagnosed for cancer.
[00:15:40] Speaker A: Oh. He was actually a coach.
[00:15:42] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: Was a coach. And he was so funny about him and his wife, both coaches, and they have a little girl and they treat my Kids, like. Like, they're their kids, and that's important to me. And, like, they love my kids. My kids love them. And we did. We did help. You know, we did a fundraiser, tried to help raise money for him because. Just a tough economy to get sick in.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: Right.
[00:16:08] Speaker A: But, yeah, it's.
Yeah. Shout out to David and Cortland.
My kids call her Mama Court. But. And then David is. He's a great guy. And, you know, it's. That's. It's tough, but we try to keep people around our kids who are good people.
[00:16:26] Speaker B: Right, right.
And, you know, you mentioned community, which is also, AKA family.
[00:16:33] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:16:34] Speaker B: And so hopefully Laura won't mind us talking about her song.
[00:16:42] Speaker A: No, no, she won't.
[00:16:43] Speaker B: She does.
[00:16:43] Speaker A: She won't. She. It's fine. It's fine. If I. Because I'm on here. She probably won't listen.
Tired of hearing my voice. She spends all day with me. She's like, I don't want to listen to you talk anymore.
[00:16:54] Speaker B: So as you look back, y' all been married 16 years.
How long did you date before that?
[00:17:02] Speaker A: This is a funny story. We met in November.
I proposed in February. We got married in October.
[00:17:11] Speaker B: Oh, wow.
[00:17:12] Speaker A: Yeah. I was. We were old. I mean, I was 31, I think, when we got married. And I had been in enough bad relationships that I knew what a good one was, so it didn't take me long.
[00:17:21] Speaker B: Gotcha. Okay.
[00:17:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:23] Speaker B: Well. And Laura is amazing.
[00:17:25] Speaker A: She is. She's an amazing, amazing person. I could not.
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her.
She did a great job. And that's another thing. You know, a lot of parents, a lot of spouses, they freak out when they figure out somebody, you know, kid or husband has addiction. And, you know, the first thought is just, I'm gonna get out of here. Like, there's just. You know, she did a great job of learning about it, understanding it, and not making it safe for me. Like, if I feel like if there's a, you know, relapse or that I could come to her. And it's not like I wasn't just walking. You know, you get one chance, and that's it. Because that's just not how life works.
[00:18:03] Speaker B: Right, Right.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: You know, I'm sober 10 years, but, you know, there's no telling what happens tomorrow.
[00:18:08] Speaker B: Or 20 minutes.
[00:18:10] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. So, you know, especially in this one. Yeah. Right. So you have to have somebody who kind of understands and is supportive. And also, you have to realize the attic gets better quicker than the people around you.
You heal quicker than they heal, typically, because you're the one that did all the bad stuff to them.
[00:18:31] Speaker B: And do they still see you in that line of.
[00:18:35] Speaker A: No, no, no. Some people do. There are some people in my life who immediately when something happens, they're like, oh, the drug addict's fault. But for the most part, no, no. That took a little while. This is. I'll tell. This is a funny story. So as I've been sober probably a couple of years, I don't remember, and Laura, so obviously with Adderall, I became very productive when I was on drugs, which is not a thing people say, but. So one day I have a reason to use. Yeah. Yeah. No, absolutely not. So. So one day I had. I started doing stuff around the house, and I was cleaning up and I was being productive. And she was like, are you using drugs? And I said, no. I said, do you want me? I was like, to make you feel better, I'll go take a drug test. She's like, no, you don't have to do that. So she was like, go get us lunch. So I went and picked up lunch. Well, I stopped at CVS and bought a drug test. So she texted me and she goes, what's taking you so long? I said, I stopped to get a drug test to make you feel better. And she's like, so what took so long? I said, well, I had to stop and get clean pee so I could pass it.
She said.
She said, I know you're not using drugs because you were never funny when you were on drugs.
She said that was funny.
[00:19:47] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness.
[00:19:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
So, you know, and that's sort of the relationship. I mean, you know, she knows how I am. I like, I make jokes. So it was. But it was pretty funny. But then I didn't. Went home and took the drug test, so.
So, yeah. But now there are people in my life who will never see past that part of me, and those people aren't really in my life anymore.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: Right, right. You know, what was the turning point for Laura?
[00:20:16] Speaker A: Honestly, it was just the fact that I was. It. It takes time. And I'd say, you know, she was supportive from the beginning, but it just takes days and weeks and months and years of being honest and doing the right thing. And, you know, there's still stuff that happens that triggers. There's still stuff that triggers me. And when those things happen, we just have to remember and talk about it. And being open and communication is super important.
[00:20:45] Speaker B: Can you say that again? Being open.
[00:20:47] Speaker A: Being open and having communications, very, very important. Is the most important part, honestly, not just in recovery. I think in any type of relationship or anything, you have to be open and communicate.
[00:20:58] Speaker B: Right, Right. Yeah. Yeah. And so with Laura, and one day, maybe I can get her on here.
[00:21:06] Speaker A: Yay. Yeah, you might. You might, you might. Good luck with that.
[00:21:10] Speaker B: But she is probably. Has she surrounded herself?
So you've got your group of friends.
[00:21:15] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:21:16] Speaker B: Your girls have their group of friends.
[00:21:18] Speaker A: Does Laura have that thing she does. She has. She has a group of friends that. That she relies on and talks to. I mean, you know, me and her. She's my best friend. I think I'm her best friend. And. But, you know, outside of that. Yeah.
[00:21:31] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:21:32] Speaker A: And, you know, I say that, like, when it comes to. She knows just about everything. The person who knows the most about me is my therapist. Shout out to Cole, but. Because there's even things I tell him that I wouldn't tell anybody else. But second is Laura.
[00:21:45] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:21:46] Speaker A: So.
[00:21:46] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:21:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:48] Speaker B: Well. And I mean, you can't do it by yourself.
[00:21:51] Speaker A: No, you can't.
I've known people that have tried and were unsuccessful.
[00:21:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
Goes. That goes back to that old saying, it takes a village.
[00:22:00] Speaker A: It does.
[00:22:01] Speaker B: Takes a community.
[00:22:02] Speaker A: It does.
[00:22:02] Speaker B: It takes a family. That sometimes is not our traditional family.
[00:22:06] Speaker A: No, no. It's, you know, friends of the family. You choose. That's the way I like to look at it.
[00:22:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:12] Speaker A: And like, you know, my best friends, my kids call.
Call them uncle, you know, Uncle Grand, Uncle Brett, Aunt Sandy.
And they're. They're like brothers to me.
[00:22:23] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:22:23] Speaker A: You know, and Uncle Tracy. Like, they're all just. They're. They're like my family, you know, so it's.
They're really close. We're really close. And like I said, I. I know that if I needed them, they'd be there. And if my kids needed them, they would be there.
[00:22:38] Speaker B: Right.
[00:22:39] Speaker A: Regardless of me. Or if Laura needed them, they would be there. So that's important to have.
[00:22:44] Speaker B: Yeah, definitely. So if there was.
If there was one thing that you would want our listeners to hear, whether from your perspective of you're using, I kind of won't help, but I don't.
[00:23:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:09] Speaker B: What's the advice for that partner or for that other person in their life that is maybe watching a loved one?
[00:23:18] Speaker A: Yeah. So I actually have a little bit of experience with this because I have been on the others. I had a good friend who went through his own battle with alcoholism, and I had to be on the other side. And I was like, man, what a pain in the butt. Drug addicts. And alcoholics.
I went and apologize to Laura. I was like, I'm sorry. I didn't realize how bad I was. I didn't realize how annoying we are.
But it's.
You have to be.
Be there for them. Right. There will come a moment in time where they will have a moment of clarity. You know, I had a few of them, but, you know, you have to be there at that time. That's just right. You have to be there for them. You.
But you can love them too much.
[00:24:04] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:24:04] Speaker A: Tell them there's a such thing as. Like, if you're enabling them to do it, like, it's one thing to, you know, hey, I'm gonna help you up. But, like, you know, giving them money, giving a place, like, sometimes you have to be like, hey, you either stop this or you're gone.
[00:24:19] Speaker B: Right.
[00:24:19] Speaker A: Because that's what Laura did with me. I mean, my choices were, go to rehab or move out.
Does it. Those are the only two choices I had, and I believed her, and so I went to rehab.
So.
And, you know, she was pregnant with our second when I went to rehab.
[00:24:35] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:24:36] Speaker A: Yeah. She was pregnant with Market when I went to rehab, and she was like, you either go or you can't stay here. And there are some people who think they're doing the right thing by, like, oh, you can stay here. Yeah. And sometimes that's not what they need.
[00:24:48] Speaker B: Right.
[00:24:49] Speaker A: Sometimes I need to be told, you got a choice.
[00:24:51] Speaker B: Right.
[00:24:52] Speaker A: Well, they're not always gonna make the right one, but.
[00:24:55] Speaker B: And that's probably a different conversation from a spouse as opposed to a parent.
[00:25:00] Speaker A: I agree. I agree.
[00:25:03] Speaker B: You know, with. With. Often parents love your kids to death.
[00:25:07] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:25:09] Speaker B: And so. But again, being around you and Laura and the girls, it's just.
It's heartwarming for me just to see. Because they're always so much fun.
[00:25:21] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: They're always. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
[00:25:24] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:25:24] Speaker B: Especially with cheerleading.
[00:25:26] Speaker A: Yes. Yes.
[00:25:27] Speaker B: So, yeah, I just.
[00:25:30] Speaker A: You know, the crazy. So if I were to put myself. If my kids came to me with a problem, and, you know, I'm real open with my kids. They know dad has a drug problem. That's a drinking problem.
Can't mess with any of that. Like, they're very. My oldest. This is.
So I play golf a lot, and occasionally I will partake of a cigar when I play golf occasionally. And my. My oldest said, you just like those because you used to do drugs. I was like, I don't know. Those two things are.
[00:26:00] Speaker B: I. I like her thoughts.
[00:26:01] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, right. So, but with her, like, with her especially, she's 13, so, you know, she's. She's coming into that time where things can happen. Yeah, I'm real open about it. But also, if she came to me and said I had a problem or she was doing something, I. I would hope and I think that I would be.
Instead of instantly being mad or pissed or upset, I would listen and talk to her. And I think that's the biggest thing. A lot of kids are scared to come to their parents because they're. Something's gonna, you're gonna get mad at me, I'm gonna get grounded. Or they're gonna take my phone away. Or do people still get grounded? I think they just get their phone taken away, but. Which is worse to this kids than grounding. But I think that you have to listen and not another thing is too. Just because your kid gets drunk one time at a party doesn't mean they have a.
[00:26:50] Speaker B: That they're going to spend the rest.
[00:26:52] Speaker A: Yeah, like that's. You need to talk to them and figure, I mean, maybe they do have a problem.
But that's where communication comes in, Right? Sit down, talk to them. Was it just, you know, them being an idiot?
[00:27:02] Speaker B: Because kids are idiots sometimes and adults are too.
[00:27:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, no.
[00:27:06] Speaker B: Really? Yeah.
[00:27:07] Speaker A: No. Well, I'm just a big kid, so I am also an idiot. But there it just is, the open community.
Communication is the biggest thing. Don't be afraid to talk to your kids about it. Don't be afraid to listen to your kids also, you know, they know dad was a drug addict and alcoholic, and they know, like, I'm very like, you gotta be careful.
[00:27:32] Speaker B: Right?
[00:27:32] Speaker A: Be careful. You can't, you can't. You know, you gotta watch out. And they also know that they can't get away with anything because you've been there, done that way, way, way more than they have.
[00:27:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:43] Speaker A: So that's unfortunate for them.
[00:27:45] Speaker B: Well, and part of that too is if you talk about communication, that's when we changed our name back in 2018, to just say something. At the end of the day, we just want parents to talk to their kids.
[00:27:55] Speaker A: Just talk to your kids. Just talk and just be open. I mean, I think kids or parents think that. Well, my kids won't know about it if.
[00:28:03] Speaker B: If I don't tell them.
[00:28:05] Speaker A: Trust me. They have the Internet in their pocket. They have friends.
They know, right? Yeah, they know way more than you think they know. And the problem is, is they're finding out from other idiots who are kids instead of from, you Right. And that's part of the problem is you got to be open and talk about it.
[00:28:24] Speaker B: Right. That's great advice.
[00:28:26] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, honestly, that's for anybody. I think being open about things and talking about it and not instantly getting mad is a big part of it.
[00:28:37] Speaker B: And that's one of the things that we teach in our classes. If you get to that point and you're just bowling mad, walk away. Walk away, Walk away.
[00:28:45] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:28:46] Speaker B: That's the best thing you can do
[00:28:47] Speaker A: because you can say in those moments, you can say something you can never take back.
[00:28:52] Speaker B: Right.
[00:28:53] Speaker A: And that is dangerous. Right?
[00:28:55] Speaker B: Yeah. 100.
[00:28:56] Speaker A: You know, and my kid, like I said, just talk to him. My kids know they can come to me with anything, and I'm not. And I'm not gonna get mad at them.
[00:29:05] Speaker B: And I can sit. They probably still sit on your lap.
[00:29:08] Speaker A: The youngest one does. Emma Flynn is too cool for me at the moment. I'm hoping she comes around. But she's in middle school, right? Yeah, she'll be in eighth grade next year.
[00:29:17] Speaker B: I know, right?
[00:29:18] Speaker A: Wow. My youngest is in.
She'll be in fourth.
[00:29:24] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:29:25] Speaker A: So. Yeah, yeah.
[00:29:26] Speaker B: Emma Flynn.
[00:29:27] Speaker A: Woo, man. Look, she's gonna be. She's gonna be driving in. She'll be 14 this year. She'll be driving in a year.
[00:29:34] Speaker B: So we'll hire her when she's ready to. When she wants to do an internship. Okay, we'll hire as an intern.
[00:29:41] Speaker A: Perfect.
[00:29:42] Speaker B: Summers.
[00:29:42] Speaker A: Perfect. She's like, can I come work for you? I was like, absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
No, no, you cannot.
[00:29:49] Speaker B: Oh, I get it. I get it.
All right, so as we bring this to a close, what's.
And you've talked a lot about communication.
What's the.
Sitting on this side, from the addict side, what's the one piece of advice that you would have for an addict?
[00:30:12] Speaker A: Stop doing drugs.
That's number one. Just number one. Stop doing.
[00:30:18] Speaker B: Just stop.
[00:30:19] Speaker A: Just quit. Not easy. Just not. No, it's. It's not. But that would be my first piece. The second piece of advice is when you have those moments of clarity, because they will come. Mine came sitting in a Target parking lot one day. I was like, am I going to be 50 years old buying drugs in a Target parking lot?
Probably. I would have been dead before 50, but. Yeah, but I had those moments. When you have those moments, find somebody, talk to them. Doesn't have to be your parents and have to be. I mean, just anybody.
Find somebody and talk to them.
That's important because you'll. They'll. You'll have Them, you know, be few and far between. But at some point, you'll have one find somebody to talk to.
The other piece of advice I'll have for you is while for addicts is. I know withdrawals are awful.
They're terrible. And it's one of the things that keeps people using drugs. I think a lot of people don't realize that they won't last forever.
And you will get through it, and you will be better on the other
[00:31:21] Speaker B: side of it because Your recovery was 30 days.
[00:31:25] Speaker A: 30 days in rehab.
[00:31:26] Speaker B: In rehab.
[00:31:27] Speaker A: And then I went to Iop, and I still see my therapist once a week.
Just texted him before I walked in. Just texting him before I walked in here.
[00:31:37] Speaker B: And you'll probably text him on your way.
[00:31:39] Speaker A: I will, actually. I will. I'm gonna text, tell him to make sure he watches so he can get a. He hear a shout out. But I am.
I didn't go the traditional AA NA route. There's too many rules for me. I'm not a rules guy. But I go see my therapist every week, and if I don't see him, I text him, or we have fun. I mean, that one run where I was doing all that cheerleading, I did see him for, like, three weeks. And the first time we saw each other, ranch, and we gave each other a hug.
He texted me. He just kept texting me the sad emoji on the days I was supposed to have an appointment.
[00:32:11] Speaker B: Oh, wow.
[00:32:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:32:13] Speaker B: So, yeah, an extended family.
[00:32:15] Speaker A: Yeah, he's one of them. He's one of. I told him if he ever tries to quit, I'm just gonna follow him wherever he goes.
[00:32:20] Speaker B: But it's not an option.
[00:32:22] Speaker A: No, it's not. It's not. Once you're in with me, you're in for life. It's.
Once you're. Once you're in the inner circle, you can't leave.
[00:32:29] Speaker B: I get it. I get it. And people don't want to leave.
[00:32:32] Speaker A: No, I like to think so.
[00:32:34] Speaker B: It's genuine.
[00:32:35] Speaker A: It is. I.
[00:32:37] Speaker B: You and Laura both are the most genuine people that I've come across in what we're doing.
[00:32:44] Speaker A: I like to. I like to think so.
And we genuinely love each other. We love spending time with each other. We love spending time with our kids. I mean, that's the other thing. Like, we haven't been on vacation, just us, in far too long, which is something I'm trying to remedy. But we take our kids with us, you know, so that's the thing. They're experiencing things. They're seeing things.
[00:33:03] Speaker B: Right.
[00:33:03] Speaker A: You Know, it's not a shock to them.
[00:33:06] Speaker B: And they'll come a time.
[00:33:07] Speaker A: There will. There will. Hopefully they get out of my house at some point.
[00:33:11] Speaker B: Do you have that 18 rule?
[00:33:13] Speaker A: No, no, no. I. That I was listening to a stand up comic talk about this and he said that's the worst thing you can say to your kids is at 18, you got to go. Because then if they don't have something, they're gonna figure out a way and it ain't necessarily gonna be the best way.
[00:33:31] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. 100.
[00:33:32] Speaker A: His name's Ali Sadiq. He's a. He was in. Oh, he was. Yeah, he's in. He's great. He went to jail for drug dealing, but he's. He's really good. Yeah.
[00:33:40] Speaker B: It's interesting and it's funny how he's telling his own personal stories.
[00:33:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:46] Speaker B: Comedically.
[00:33:46] Speaker A: Yes. And I think that's what makes him interesting is he tells true stories.
[00:33:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:51] Speaker A: You know, that's how I am. Like, that's the thing. I'm open. I tell everybody the truth.
[00:33:55] Speaker B: Right.
[00:33:56] Speaker A: I have to be that way because if I start lying, it leads me down a dark path.
[00:33:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:59] Speaker A: So I'm. If you want the. If you want the truth, just ask me. I'll tell you. You might not like it, but I'm gonna tell you.
[00:34:05] Speaker B: I was gonna say, be careful what you think the response might be.
[00:34:08] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. I'll tell you what I'm thinking. Unfortunately for you, you might not like it, but you're gonna get the real me.
[00:34:16] Speaker B: And, you know, that's okay.
[00:34:17] Speaker A: I like to think so.
[00:34:18] Speaker B: That's okay.
I appreciate you.
[00:34:21] Speaker A: Appreciate it, Phil.
Anytime.
[00:34:24] Speaker B: Always look forward to when I get to hang out with you and Laura and the girls. Yeah.
Granted, we should do it more often.
[00:34:32] Speaker A: We should, we should.
[00:34:33] Speaker B: But you're busy.
Yeah. Especially on weekends.
[00:34:36] Speaker A: Yeah. Between. Between cheer and work. I don't like. Those are the three places I am. Home, work, cheer, gym.
[00:34:43] Speaker B: Yep. Or on the road.
[00:34:44] Speaker A: Or on the road. Yeah.
[00:34:46] Speaker B: For cheering.
[00:34:47] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:34:47] Speaker B: All right, well, this is do it for this episode. And again, I want to thank Tyler for being here with us. Tyler Burgess with SC Retail. My name is Philip Clark with. Just say something and continue to be safe. But just remember, lines of communication are so important.
So at the end of the day, just say something.
Thanks and we'll see you next week.
