Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:08] This is Philip Clark with Just say Something. And welcome back to the Just Say Something podcast.
[00:00:15] Now that students are back in school and families are settling into new routines, I've been thinking a lot about conversations we have with our kids, and maybe even more importantly, the conversations we sometimes wait too long to have.
[00:00:31] A lot of times we don't really sit down and talk until something has happened.
[00:00:36] Maybe a grade drops, maybe we get a call from the school, maybe we find a vape. Maybe our child suddenly has a new group of friends, starts acting differently, or seems more withdrawn than usual.
[00:00:52] Something gets our attention, and that becomes the moment when we think, okay, we need to have a conversation.
[00:01:02] But one thing I want parents and caregivers to remember is that your child does not have to be in trouble for you to start talking to them.
[00:01:12] In fact, I would argue that some of the most important conversations happen long before there's ever a problem.
[00:01:21] This is what prevention is about.
[00:01:24] Prevention is not simply reacting when something goes wrong. It's building communication, trust, expectations, and relationships early enough that when young people do face this difficult situations, they already know where they can turn in. The beginning of a new school year is a great time to think about that.
[00:01:49] Our kids are walking into new classrooms, meeting new teachers, reconnecting with old friends, making new friends, joining sports teams and activities, and adjusting to the completely different schedule than what they had during the summer.
[00:02:06] For some kids, that transition is exciting.
[00:02:09] For others, it can be stressful. And sometimes it can be a little bit of both.
[00:02:18] There may be also things going on in the world that we as adults know very little about.
[00:02:26] They may be seeing vaping at school.
[00:02:29] They may be hearing conversations about alcohol and other substances.
[00:02:34] They may be dealing with friendship issues, social media pressure, relationships, academic stress, or just the pressure to fit in.
[00:02:45] And most kids are probably not going to walk through the front door and volunteer all that information.
[00:02:52] That is why we must create opportunities for conversation.
[00:02:57] The good news is those conversations do not have to be formal, and they certainly do not have to feel like an interrogation.
[00:03:07] Sometimes it can be as simple as changing the questions we ask.
[00:03:12] We all know what happens when we ask, how was school?
[00:03:17] We usually get fine.
[00:03:20] Then we ask, what'd you do today?
[00:03:23] Again, we get nothing.
[00:03:27] So maybe we ask, who did you sit with at lunch today?
[00:03:33] Or what was the funniest thing that happened?
[00:03:38] Maybe we asked, which class they are enjoying, which class they think is going to be difficult, or what everyone at school seems to be talking about right now.
[00:03:50] You can even ask something like, is there anything going on at school that you think parents probably don't know.
[00:03:59] A question like that can open the doors to a completely different kind of conversation.
[00:04:05] And when that door opens, one of the most important things we can do is listen.
[00:04:12] This is not always easy to be a parent. Sometimes our children tell us some things, and our immediate reaction is to fix it, correct it, or explain exactly what they should have done differently.
[00:04:30] There are certainly times when we need to step in, set boundaries, or address behavior.
[00:04:38] But we also need to think about what our reaction is teaching them.
[00:04:44] If every uncomfortable conversation immediately turns into a lecture, there may come a point when the child decides it's easier not to tell us.
[00:04:57] That is the opposite of what we want.
[00:05:00] We want young people to know that they have trusted adults they can turn to.
[00:05:06] We want them to know that they can ask questions.
[00:05:09] We want them to know that even if they make a mistake, they still have somewhere to go and someone who will listen.
[00:05:17] That kind of trust does not get built in one big conversation.
[00:05:24] It gets built in hundreds of small ones.
[00:05:28] It happens in the car on the way home from school.
[00:05:32] It happens while you're making dinner.
[00:05:35] It happens on the way to practice, sitting in the stands, running errands. Or sometimes late at night when you are ready to go to bed and your teen suddenly decides that it's the perfect time for them to talk.
[00:05:53] Those little moments may not seem important at the time, but they add up.
[00:06:01] And those moments also give us opportunities to talk about difficult subjects before there's ever an accusation are a problem.
[00:06:11] For example, you do not have to ask your child, are you vaping?
[00:06:17] To talk about vaping. You might say, I keep hearing about vaping among teenagers. Is there is that something you see at your school?
[00:06:28] You can ask, what do kids your age think about vaping?
[00:06:33] Or do you think most kids understand what is actually in those products?
[00:06:39] The same thing is true when it comes to alcohol, drugs, or other risky behaviors.
[00:06:45] You can ask what they are seeing, what they are hearing, and what their friends think.
[00:06:51] Those conversations give you a window into their world.
[00:06:55] They also give you a chance to talk about your own expectations as a parent and why those expectations matter.
[00:07:03] I. I think sometimes we make prevention sound much more complicated than it needs to be.
[00:07:10] We think about programs, presentations, campaigns, and community events, and all those things are important at Just say something. We are proud to be involved in that kind of prevention work. But prevention also happens at home.
[00:07:27] It happens when a young person knows their parents are paying attention.
[00:07:32] It happens when they know there are expectations.
[00:07:36] It happens when they know they can ask a question without immediately getting in trouble.
[00:07:43] It happens when they know there is an adult who will listen.
[00:07:49] So as the school year gets underway, I want to encourage parents and caregivers not to wait for the warning signs.
[00:07:58] Do not wait until the grades drop.
[00:08:01] Do not wait for the phone call from the school.
[00:08:05] Do not wait until you find something in the backpack or notice that something has been wrong for weeks.
[00:08:13] Start now.
[00:08:16] Ask a question, listen to the answer, and then keep the conversation going.
[00:08:23] You do not have to have one perfect talk with your child that covers every possible issue they might face that is not realistic.
[00:08:33] What matters is creating a relationship where conversations happen regularly so that when something difficult does come up, talking to you does not feel unusual.
[00:08:47] At Jace Just say Something we believe strongly in the power of connection, communication, and prevention.
[00:08:55] And sometimes prevention starts with something incredibly simple.
[00:09:01] A conversation in the car, a question at the dinner table, a few minutes of listening when your child decides they are ready to talk.
[00:09:13] So this week I encourage you to find one of those moments.
[00:09:18] You do not have to wait until something is wrong.
[00:09:23] Just say Something.
[00:09:27] Thank you for joining me for another episode of Just say Something Podcast.
[00:09:32] If you found this conversation helpful, please share it with another parent, caregiver, teacher, or anyone who works with young people.
[00:09:42] You can also follow Just say Something on social media and visit our website to learn more about our programs, resources, and the work we do across our community.
[00:09:54] I'm Philip Clark and I'll talk to you again next time.
